My Spiritual Healing Journey
Written by Nicole Reyes, RPN MEPN
I believe the cosmetic industry is more than just about the superficial glam and physical appearance. I think the cosmetic industry has a positive effect, encouraging individuals to be the best versions of themselves, inside and out.
My own experience with confidence has been a big struggle since I was in elementary school. I was bullied for many reasons, things that were out of my control — acne, thick sideburns, flat bum — and it took a huge toll on my mental health and self-esteem.
This affected my decisions, including the relationships I was in, and how I perceived myself and what I deserved in life.
To top it all off, I dealt with major depressive disorder and anxiety prior to all of this. So it was something that was very difficult for me to cope with. The hardest part about it all was trying to hide it day in and day out. To this day, it is still hard to talk about but if I can make anyone else out there going through the same thing feel like they aren’t alone, I’m happy to share my story.
To be totally honest, I’m nearing my thirties now, and it was only in the last few years that I was able to feel comfortable and confident in who I am – not just on the outside (thank you injectables) but much more important than that, on the inside as well.
I was in multiple toxic relationships that lasted way too long.
A toxic relationship is a relationship characterized by behaviors on the part of the toxic partner that are emotionally and, not infrequently, physically damaging to their partner.
My two serious relationships were with textbook narcissists, which unfortunately brought me to the lowest points in my life. It took me years to understand what this was and how it affected my decisions within these relationships and my personal view of myself.
A narcissist is an extremely self-centered person who has an exaggerated sense of self-importance.
A few signs you are in a toxic relationship or with a narcissist include things like:
The majority of the work, love, and compromise comes from you. A narcissist in a relationship will not reciprocate or will do very little to contribute emotionally to the relationship. I felt like I was constantly begging for basic relationship needs like communication, loyalty, and support.
There are patterns of disrespect. Disrespect is a low regard or esteem for someone or something - a lack of respect. An example of disrespect in a relationship is: your partner stating they will come to your home at 8:30 PM but would come over intoxicated at 2:30 AM with no consideration for your time or well-being. This example happened to me and at that time, I was in full-time nursing school and taking care of my 11 month old baby daughter as a single mother.
You feel like you are walking on eggshells all the time. In my previous unhealthy relationships, I would be so nervous to voice my opinions about how I felt because I was scared they would leave me again. My level of trust and fear of abandonment developed from my previous experiences in intimate relationships.
This one is more a sign you’re dating a narcissist – they lack empathy. Narcissists lack the skills to make you feel seen, validated, understood, or accepted because they don’t grasp the concept of others’ feelings. During my struggles with depression, I would ask for my partner’s support (I’m talking about the narcissist) and he would ignore my need for help.
How did I get out of these unhealthy relationships? It took me many years to pull myself out of it and honestly, a big motivation was my daughter. I wouldn’t be able to get out of that slump if it weren’t for thinking about what was best for her. I found that what also helped motivate me to leave and to heal from the trauma was through spiritual healing.
“I think engaging in spiritual healing was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. But I think you have to be in the right mind-state, the right place in your life, and ready to take it on and accept change. Both your mind and soul need to be open to spiritual healing.”
I think engaging in spiritual healing was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. But I think you have to be in the right mind-state, the right place in your life, and ready to take it on and accept change. Both your mind and soul need to be open to spiritual healing.
It helped me to reflect and understand why I allowed myself to stay in situations I
didn’t deserve. It also made me realize my own toxic tendencies so I could grow and move on. And yes, I had many of them - like my crazy insecurities, and anxious attachment to my partners. Spiritual healing helped me feel validated despite years of being gaslit.
Gaslighting is a specific type of manipulation where the manipulator is trying to get someone else to question their own reality, memory or perceptions. For example, I would try to communicate about something that happened in the past to my narcissistic partners, and they would deny it ever happened, in hopes of making me feel like I was crazy and fabricating facts.
From my experience with spiritual healing, I understood that I had to stop beating myself up for a lot of the things that really made me who I was. Spiritual healing helped me release a lot of that negative energy. Most importantly, it helped me understand that dealing with my depression and anxiety is an on-going process.
It’s not something that goes away. The medications I started really aided in my mental healing but spiritual healing provided me with guidance and exposed me to healthier and alternative coping methods.
There were many forms of spiritual healing that I dove into after that breakup and in the journey of my mental health. I explored healing with crystals (an alternative medicine technique that employs crystals and other stones as conduits for natural healing energy) and I still carry an incredibly special rose quartz crystal that a lovely client gave me, everywhere I go. Reiki healing, positive affirmations, sound healing, and meditation were all methods I enjoyed.
Though all the forms of energy healing I tried were beneficial in some way, the one method I really enjoyed was the Reiki healing. Reiki is an energy healing treatment, where the practitioner is seeking to transmit “Universal Life Energy” to the client. The intention is to create deep relaxation, to help speed healing, reduce pain, and decrease other symptoms you may be experiencing. I went to a Reiki master that my friend recommended in Toronto, Ontario. Her name is Brittany Guimond (@brittguimond). I always walk into experiences like this fairly skeptical but I heard such good things so I wanted to be more open-minded about it.The Reiki healing was a very soothing, peaceful, and emotional experience. It made me dig deep about the emotions I was trying to block out and neglect. Brittany guided me to release these negative energies, which I physically felt leaving my body (this was the part when I was so thrown off because I wasn’t expecting to feel any physical sensations from my body – and she didn’t lay a hand on me). I do encourage you to experience for yourself the benefits of Reiki healing as it has helped me in a time when I really needed guidance.
I think spiritual healing would be beneficial for everyone and anyone so long as you are willing to accept the growth. You can dip your toe in fairly easily. No need to change your entire lifestyle. Just try to be more in tune with your emotions and really open up to how important healing from childhood traumas or emotional blocks are for your growth. If any of you ever need someone to talk to or want advice, I’m always open to it!
As a mom and simply just being a woman, I want to be the best version of myself. I know the example I set will pave a healthier path for my daughter, compared to my own journey that I struggled with for such a long time. I hope hearing my story will encourage you to make positive changes as well.